I could chronicle my life in tantrums.
Two years ago, I demanded new Easter dresses and complained that we didn't have reservations at the expensive place where all the neighbors have Easter brunch. Can you believe it? We were miserable in those dresses, and we changed into our shorts and t-shirts and ended up having a brunch of juice and popcorn out in the woods together. Easter rose up in my heart that afternoon.
Last Easter, God reminded me of his grace when I witnessed a flair disaster. It was a great Easter, and I didn't even think about dresses or brunches or new hats and shoes. We didn't need any of it. I actually woke up this morning thinking about how far I've come.
But just now, I find myself complaining to my husband that he didn't get the Easter Egg Coloring Kit. I fall apart because we haven't colored our eggs yet. I actually raise my voice. I'm throwing a tantrum about coloring eggs. I thought I had come so far!
I apologize to my husband and children, and as I stand in the kitchen, worrying that Easter's not going to be good enough because the cookies aren't right and the eggs aren't colored, I let out a huge sigh and cry out, "I need the real Easter! I need it so badly."
The real Easter is Jesus rising to save us from ourselves. And just when I think I'm finished with these tantrums, I find the old self oozing out. I'm glad it did. I won't ever not need Him. I won't ever be strong enough, mature enough, or wise enough to not need Jesus.
I need the real Easter! I need it so badly.
_________________
Journal: Will I find the real Easter?
Amen! Amen! Amen!!!
ReplyDelete*lifting up your chin and giving you a kiss on your cheek*
Me, too, Heather. Me, too!!! I'll never be good enough, mature enough, wise enough, strong enough, fill-in-the-blank enough to not need Jesus.
i hear ya!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister, happy resurrection, happy Easter..xo
ReplyDeleteI love your line about being afraid that Easter somehow won't be good enough...
ReplyDeleteBut I totally get it. I have been trying to not let crazy commercialization of holidays overshadow their true meaning. (I think you read my take on Valentine's day)
But it's esp hard sitting here browsing facebook reading about everyone coloring eggs and waiting for kids to go to sleep so the 'easter bunny' can come, making cookies and fancy desserts...and we aren't doing any of it. Nothing like bucking the system and trying to not let the old self ooze to somehow make you feel like a mom who's blowing it!
(I caved just a little today tho...My sons had to run errands with dad this morning - including stopping for b-day gift for a friend, and they each ended up picking out something for themselves that I will tell them they don't need to pay us back for(an Easter basket gift?)...so to be fair I took my girls shopping and let them pick out new "spring" outfits that they can wear tomorrow...off the clearance rack at old navy with my extra 30% off coupon!)
He is Risen! And that makes anything we do or don't good enough!
wow..sorry for the crazy long comment!
I have been reminded of the real Easter this year too & how easy it is to let other "Easter" thinking push Resurrection thinking out of the way. I can tell you about it sometime, but for now thanks for your transparency and what God is teaching you.
ReplyDelete