Asking Moms What They Want

Sometimes when you ask a mother what she really wants, she can't answer you. She's not used to thinking of herself like this. She's not used to considering her own desires.

It might seem selfish and wasteful to her, so you need to persevere. Or she might feel lost, as if she's forgotten who she is.

Give her time to reach down deep to some nearly forgotten place. Remind her, if you have to, of all the things she loves. Tell her it's not selfish and that she shouldn't feel guilty when she brightens up, sticks her pointer finger into the air, and says, "Yes, I know now."

The other day, I told my husband that I sometimes dream of a little cottage somewhere with climbing roses all over the place.  What a dream! What a little fantasy!

"We can do that," he says. "I can make you a trellis in the wood shop and we can plant climbing roses on the side of the house."

"Can we? Can we? Can we really?"

My Mother's Day gift from the family is a handmade trellis with climbing roses.  He's still in the wood shop at this very moment, so pictures will come later.

It took some time to look around me and think: What do I really want? Nothing useful, practical, or for my children or husband--just something for me, so when I drive up to my home, I see roses.

That's what I really wanted.

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Is it hard for you to answer that question?