This week, several interesting opportunities flooded my inbox and my voicemail. I wanted to do them all. But after 10 years of marriage and two children, I've learned (finally) to ask the question, "Will this decision help or harm my marriage and family?"
A simple decision-making tool expanded today to include a far-reaching scope. I made this list today:
1. Does this behavior or decision help or harm my relationship with God? (helps me identify sin)
2. Does this behavior or decision help or harm my husband and children? (helps with my career choices)
3. Does this behavior or decision help or harm my mind and body? (helps with my food choices)
4. Does this behavior or decision help or harm another person? (helps with my speech)
So far, I turned down the Oreo cookie binge and an invitation to take on a new teaching project that would take too much time away from my husband and children.
I like this little list. It helps me live with flair.
_______________________________
Journal: Help or harm?
Showing posts with label priorities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label priorities. Show all posts
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Not To-Do List
Instead of a to-do list, a friend of mine suggests a not to-do list. I'm at a conference all day teaching about writing personal mission statements, and I present the idea of a not to-do list, as in "what I am not going to do today in order to do what's best and more aligned with my life purpose." People who aren't taking notes suddenly start writing.
It's revolutionary for me: I will write a list of all the things I will not do today. I will make some space somewhere.
Two different people ask me how I handle the guilt I feel about that. "Won't I feel so guilty? Won't I disappoint so many people?"
Yes, you will. You will disappoint people your whole life. And those people need to be disappointed every once in a while because you can't meet all their needs. You weren't designed to.
And the whole world will not fall apart if you say "no."
As I leave the conference, I'm so tired that I literally cannot speak. I need to rest. So I walk in the door, and I make my mental not to-do list. I will not do a load of laundry. I will not grade one single paper. I will not call this person back.
I collapse with my daughters in their bed. I start reading aloud from the Children's Story Bible by Catherine Vos. It's taken us several weeks to get through the book of Genesis, and now, we are nearly finished with Exodus. As I read the 10 Commandments, my oldest daughter asks me why our family isn't resting more on the Sabbath. She lays her head back on the pillow and wonders: "Does God mean no raking leaves? No homework? No dishes? What does Sabbath mean?"
Right now, it means having a not to-do list so I make space for the best thing.
It's revolutionary for me: I will write a list of all the things I will not do today. I will make some space somewhere.
Two different people ask me how I handle the guilt I feel about that. "Won't I feel so guilty? Won't I disappoint so many people?"
Yes, you will. You will disappoint people your whole life. And those people need to be disappointed every once in a while because you can't meet all their needs. You weren't designed to.
And the whole world will not fall apart if you say "no."
As I leave the conference, I'm so tired that I literally cannot speak. I need to rest. So I walk in the door, and I make my mental not to-do list. I will not do a load of laundry. I will not grade one single paper. I will not call this person back.
I collapse with my daughters in their bed. I start reading aloud from the Children's Story Bible by Catherine Vos. It's taken us several weeks to get through the book of Genesis, and now, we are nearly finished with Exodus. As I read the 10 Commandments, my oldest daughter asks me why our family isn't resting more on the Sabbath. She lays her head back on the pillow and wonders: "Does God mean no raking leaves? No homework? No dishes? What does Sabbath mean?"
Right now, it means having a not to-do list so I make space for the best thing.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Things That Can Wait
My sister texts me this morning to tell me to go to the gym. I tell her I have too much to do. Later, I call and she doesn't say, "Hello." Instead, she says, "I hope you're calling me from the treadmill."
My sister knows me. She knows that going to the gym makes me able to manage all the other stress in my life. For days, things have felt unmanageable for our family. My husband commented this morning that he's had a revelation about what causes things to feel so out of control for him.
"It's my desk," he says. "I can't handle the clutter. When my desk is clean, I can manage."
I understand this. I can't go to bed with dishes in the sink. If I wake up to a messy kitchen, everything feels like a disaster. Doing the nightly dishes puts everything else in order. And going to the gym keeps my mood in check.
"It's your way to breathe," my sister says. She explains that for her friend, keeping an organized freezer helps her breathe. Other folks need to make their beds or keep the interior of their cars clean. I suppose it's different for everyone
Those minutes I spend on the things I need to do to breathe buy me entire days of order and elevated mood. Maybe it's dishes and exercise. Maybe it's an organized freezer and a clean desk. No matter what it is, I let other things wait so I can do the thing that helps me breathe.
My sister knows me. She knows that going to the gym makes me able to manage all the other stress in my life. For days, things have felt unmanageable for our family. My husband commented this morning that he's had a revelation about what causes things to feel so out of control for him.
"It's my desk," he says. "I can't handle the clutter. When my desk is clean, I can manage."
I understand this. I can't go to bed with dishes in the sink. If I wake up to a messy kitchen, everything feels like a disaster. Doing the nightly dishes puts everything else in order. And going to the gym keeps my mood in check.
"It's your way to breathe," my sister says. She explains that for her friend, keeping an organized freezer helps her breathe. Other folks need to make their beds or keep the interior of their cars clean. I suppose it's different for everyone
Those minutes I spend on the things I need to do to breathe buy me entire days of order and elevated mood. Maybe it's dishes and exercise. Maybe it's an organized freezer and a clean desk. No matter what it is, I let other things wait so I can do the thing that helps me breathe.
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