I've become aware that I control every single conversation.
I confess! I repent!
My friend kindly tells me that it's my leadership style and perhaps my teacher's heart (and I excuse it as my curiosity), but it's really my bossy, nosey, impatient, and controlling personality.
It's my power-hungry, obnoxious self.
I'm a conversation thief. I steal what you want to talk about, and I make it about what I want to talk about. I also direct the path of conversation. In the classroom, this serves me well, but outside of the classroom, my conversation style doesn't love others. I didn't even realize that I like the position of power in a conversation. Oh, who can save me from myself?
When I think about this today, I realize that I want to transform my interrupting, dominating, controlling conversational patterns into a more loving kind of exchange. But it's too deep, people. When I share how I'm growing, for example, I'm embarrassed by how my very techniques reveal that I still believe I'm in charge and still concerned with my own power.
Case in point: I say things like, "I'll let you ask the questions, or I'll let you talk about what you want to talk about," as if I'm allowing something that I ultimately control. I can't escape myself! Or I imagine saying, "Who would like to direct this conversation?" to grant authority to someone else (as if I had it to begin with). I think I need to stop talking altogether.
What has happened to me?
I want to listen and let others direct conversation. With God, all things are possible, right?